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Not coming to a cinema near you Kim Powell explores the effect of cinematic sex on our bedroom antics. December 2006
Like most of us, Sarah has grown up on a celluloid diet of passionate kisses, romantic lighting and billowing curtains: the kind of steamy lovemaking that really only happens in the movies. Ask any woman about false hopes and she’ll tell you about how her sex life never quite lives up to the scenes that Hollywood put in her head. From 9&1/2 Weeks to Brokeback Mountain, sex on the big screen has been prettied up with the icky and sometimes embarrassing bits removed, so unless you’re watching a teen comedy, elbows won’t get in the way, stray hairs won’t end up in the mouth, and no one talks about condoms. It’s this last problem that is of concern to health professionals. A recent survey of high school students by the Australian Research Centre in Health, Sex and Society (ARCHSS) revealed there are huge gaps in our knowledge of sexual health. While young people are aware of HIV and AIDS, there’s still a lot of ignorance surrounding other sexually transmitted infections. Most teenagers don’t even know what Chlamydia is – let alone how it is transmitted – so it isn’t surprising that infection rates have risen to alarming levels. Sexually transmitted infections like Chlamydia are particularly insidious as they are asymptomatic and, if left untreated, can lead to complications such as sterility. Associate Professor Anne Mitchell from ARCHSS says it doesn’t help that movies aimed at teens tend to ignore the issue of contraception. “Young people are terrible about using condoms! I think it would have an extremely positive effect if we saw more condom use in movies, or at least having it discussed. Some modeling on how you negotiate that tricky conversation would be wonderful, but we certainly don’t see that,” she says. She believes this trickiness is one reason why young people tend not to use condoms (the other reasons being alcohol and drugs, and just not being prepared). Safe sex lesson aside, it appears the movies – pornographic or otherwise – aren’t exactly the place to pick up some pointers. In one recent documentary, an unnamed male porn star said if men are learning their moves from porn films they will be doing it all wrong because those positions are designed to look good, not feel good. But then if you turn to Hollywood you’ll also be left, ahem, dissatisfied. Maria Caetano, the NSW president of the Australian Society for Sex Educators Researchers and Therapists, says because the images in the media portray a better type of sexual relationship or sexual encounter than most people experience, it helps perpetuate the many myths surrounding sex. Caetano says: “People do need to be told about these myths about sexuality, such as men are always ready and willing to have sex, and that for sex to be good there always has to be an orgasm at the end of it, and if you really like each other you should always be hot and ready to have sex!” Caetano believes the kind of passionate, swinging-off-the-chandelier sex that couples have in the movies is achievable through communication, knowing your body and being well educated about sex. Unfortunately, many of us fall down on this last point. For most Australians, the extent of our sex education in school was learning about the male and female reproductive systems. The teacher felt awkward, the students squirmed and no one made eye contact. “In school, they don’t teach about normal expectations and about the different dynamics in relationships,” says Caetano. “It would be a good idea for men’s and women’s magazines to teach people what are myths and what is normal, but women’s magazines tend to also increase expectations about what a good sexual relationship should be and how to have great sex without actually teaching the basics about how to relate.” Twenty-nine year old Kate* (who jokingly asked that her pseudonym be Sugar) reckons she’d seen dozens of sex scenes on TV and at the movies before she had sex for the first time. “When I was younger I thought it always had to be romantic and using loads of different positions, but now I know it’s more about when you can get it and when you are both in the mood. Sometimes I wonder if I should put more effort into it, with candles, sexy underwear and setting the scene, but then it all seems too much effort and my partner seems satisfied.” Dr Juliet Richters is a senior research fellow at the National Centre for HIV & Social Research. She believes this idea of ‘movie sex’, where everything is perfect, influences most of us in some way. She says one thing that came out of the Australian Study of Health and Relationships is that it’s young people who are concerned about how they look when naked. “We asked about various difficulties people might have during sex and the last question was ‘During sex do you worry about your body looking unattractive?’. Interestingly, young people were more likely to say yes to that than older people, though of course older people are the ones who have the less glamorous bodies by media standards. People seem to worry less about media imagery as they get older and settle into a long-term relationship. And although young women have high rates of difficulties and often don’t have orgasms, they’re still very keen on sex,” she says. According to the study we all seem to be pretty keen on it, with 80% of women and 88% of men agreeing that an active sex life is important for our sense of wellbeing. And with most people saying they wanted more sex than they were actually having- it seems we are really keen on it. But not everyone blames Tinseltown for our lack of satisfaction in the bedroom. Natasha Feingold, a sexual health researcher at Sydney University, says there’s a real ignorance about pleasure and about the fun side of sex. “More people are learning about sex from famous porn star Jenna Jameson than anyone else in the world, but what is it that they are learning?” Feingold is currently investigating the role of erotica – where sex is consensual, positive and affectionate – in sex education and sex therapy. She’d like to see the people working in adult stores being formally trained to give out sexual health information because although some stores already do this, most of them don’t. “Hopefully we’re going to create more awareness through the adult industry to improve sexual health, which isn’t just about the absence of disease, or the mumps and bumps of it. It’s also that sex is pleasurable, and knowing how to increase pleasure within a relationship or individually. It doesn’t help Australia to be in the dark about sex,” she says. Others, like Associate Professor Catharine Lumby from Sydney University, believe we shouldn’t be too quick to attribute too much power to what we see on screen. “Even children of a fairly young age know that what they see on TV or in films is not real, and teenagers certainly know that, so we need to be careful of assuming that people are brainwashed by what they see in the media,” she says. “But young men need more education about women’s sexuality, not these romanticised whitewashed sex scenes where there’s very little of the mechanics involved, and little information about what women enjoy sexually. Everyone’s got a pretty graphic picture of what men like to do, but I think there’s still ignorance about women’s bodies.” Lumby was one of the researchers on the 2002 study, Understanding Pornography in Australia and believes that non-violent pornography is a very good sex education tool for young men. “I’d like to see more realistic portrayals of sex in movies because I think it’s educative and I think it’s healthy. I don’t think we should be sending the message that the only kind of good sex is highly romantic sex that happens in the dark, and no one’s allowed to see anything that’s too shocking. I think that’s out of touch and I don’t think it’s helpful to younger people.” It certainly wasn’t helpful for 31 year old Ulrich* (yes, he chose his fake name). He had also seen loads of sex scenes before his first time, mainly involving “muscular Brad Pitt types and nubile women with amazing bellies moaning underneath them”. Unsurprisingly it wasn’t quite what he’d hoped, although he says it was, thankfully, over relatively quickly. “I almost expected my brain to explode or something,” he says laughing. “I think at the time I thought ‘maybe it’s because I’m not sweaty enough’. It’s taken a long time to find a different benchmark for sex. In order to have ‘movie sex’ I would need to work out at the gym for four hours every day and so would my girlfriend, and I’d have to take a course in tantric sex. It’s all a bit too much work really. But in general, sex is always good. How can it not be? Especially with someone you love.” * Names have been changed. |
Sarah* is like many thirty-something year old women. She lives with her partner, has a good job and a Brazilian wax. And although she enjoys sex, it never quite lives up to her expectations. “Sex scenes in the movies have a big influence on my life! Just once I want the whole scene with no mess – champagne, candles and sexy lingerie. I know it’s only movie sex, but it’s made me want it, and for many years that’s how I thought sex should be.”